ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize