I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
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