he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
