If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
