so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
