Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
