Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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