My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
