babies were throwing up all over the place
Quick, to the slutcave!
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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