also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
