Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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