Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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