My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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