I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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