I wish i was in the wii world.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
