who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
