Princesses don't give blow jobs
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
