Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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