someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Everything about him screamed your future.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
