but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
