my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
