Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
