Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Randomize
