Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
