she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
