Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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