so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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