Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
