I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
