i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
