Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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