The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I want to be your penis for a week.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
