i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
