Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
