kristin has been a bad kristin
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
