If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
