I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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