Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
