Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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