8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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