Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
