I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I enjoy the company of your penis
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
is it fun? or sober?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
