Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
