WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
