You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
