ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
