Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
