I just made out with a guy for $7.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
