why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
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