You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
we're so committed to being not committed
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