You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
