when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
