literally had 100 drinks last night.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
