You're completely useless in the revolution.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
