I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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