Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
soo... how was my night?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
