I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
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