You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize