I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
