In the future we'll all be gay
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
