I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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