so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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