I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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