The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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