wrigley field is MILF paradise
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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