I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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