Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
