This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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