im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
My apartment stinks of burning failure
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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