haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
