My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize