apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
