Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
