My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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