those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
