she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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