When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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