I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I look better un-naked...
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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