At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize