Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
